Bad A*s Poets Talking S**t Forum

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Snap out of it. 
Weekends are troubling for me, its a Friday night, i open my closet in a haste, my hands trembling as usual searching frantically for anything to throw on,  i put on black training suit in less than 30 seconds, catch my face in the mirror for a split second while pacing through my room collecting my keys and backpack, dark circles hugging my eyes,  hair messy and white blueish lips,  on my way out i tell grandma that i am going to the library,  i take off before she can say a word or comment on how ghostly i look, i am manic,  paranoid and very very exhausted,  i holler into my car pressing the lock button the exact same second i close my door, i should have a world record on how fast i do this,  i always had this thing with locks, i cant get into my car without locking it immediately, i cant get into my apartment and leave the door open,  even if its for a minute i don't care if i am carrying the shopping bags of the world,  i have to get them all in at once and lock the door immediately, if someone walks in and leave the door open for more than 10 seconds i go crazy and paranoid, so locks are another endorsement to my craziness list,  i start my car having no idea where i am heading,  i had to take the ticking bomb aka my mind out of the house,  i hold on tightly to the wheel, i can't focus,  everything is getting on my nerves,  the lights in my rear mirror are irritating me,  the car horns are torturing my ears, the cars passing me by in awful speed are scaring the s**t out of me, it feels like someone threw me into the ocean and sharks are circulating me,  i keep telling myself its alright, you are fine, this is the same car you drive everyday and you have to get your s**t together,  i finally get off the highway making it safely to one of the quiet streets of Heliopolis, i pull over trying to catch my breath , i throw my head into my hands as if i am begging my hands to contain the racing thoughts and the craziness inside my head, right in this moment i can perfectly relate to why we "mental patients" commit suicide, we are left alone with our malfunctioning brain, it start doing its tricks, it tortures you,  sky rocket you to the moon and bring you down on your neck in a heart beat, that's the thing most people don't understand about mental illness,  no we are not sad people, actually most of us don't know what sad means, weird right?  But that's it we don't really know what sad means,  we don't actually recognize emotions,  in my case i can only recognize two states or moods " OK and MAD",  i am either feeling ok,  ok as in the bomb is not ticking right now and i wont do anything stupid and i can stay still for a while" and MAD as in "i am batshit crazy and i am at war with my mind and catastrophes may happen"  other than those  two, i don't truly know what other emotions mean, our brains lack the chemicals, that's what some people fail to understand, just cause we don't have lab tests that measure our brain chemicals means that the whole thing exist inside our heads only, and no we cannot snap out of it,  can you tell a diabetic patient to snap out of it?  No cause his pancreas still won't make insulin, also telling us to snap out of it wont make our brains produce the missing chemicals,  yes we have medications, but the dilemma with the mind is that the doctors can never know which chemical is lacking or even the percentage of the lack,  so we have to experiment with our medications, and that's my friend is living hell, so instead of balancing a missing chemical you experiment with the most complicated, precise, delicate and mysterious device known to human race where a pill can either drive you to complete madness or shut down your mind and send you to zombie land for a while or luckily balance out your chemicals, i can never find the true words to describe this feeling,  maybe if the paper can scream and tore itself apart you might get a slight hint of what it feels like,  you pop a pill that you have no No idea of what would it do, you down it with some water and cross your fingers.
not knowing how you would feel waking up the next day is one of the worst feelings anyone can endure , we commit suicide simply cause we are fed up, we are trapped inside our minds, held captive for a monster we didn't create or ask for, we are tortured beyond any physical means, therapy failed us, medications failed us, the people we love failed us and we are left with nowhere to hide. Finally i raise my head up, lights are hurting my eyes, my windows are up but i can still hear every faint noise outside, i reach out for my backpack, i take out the tiny plastic bag stashed in the pocket, a moment or two passes, i put the plastic bag back into the little pocket, i grab the backpack and walk down the street, my steps are slow, heavy and undetermined, i stumble into a small cafe, the waiter asks me if i would like to sit indoors or outdoors, off course i pick indoors, i order their largest cup of coffee and fly to the bathroom i take out the magical plastic bag, align two lines of this magical white powder, take out the straw lean down and snort them, one at a time. Suddenly all the noise stops, colors are brighter but they are not hurting my eyes anymore, the cafe's faint music in the background is flirting with my ears, i stand up, stare at my ghostly face in the mirror trying to fix my hair, but it doesn't matter i am flying i am over the moon, see something finally works! Even if it works temporarily, see it turns out i can take time off from the beast, maybe that's why drugs exist, so the hopeless like us can get a
Suddenly all the noise stops, colors are brighter but they are not hurting my eyes anymore, the cafe's faint music in the background is flirting with my ears, i stand up, stare at my ghostly face in the mirror trying to fix my hair, but it doesn't matter i am flying i am over the moon, see something finally works! Even if it works temporarily, see it turns out i can take time off from the beast, maybe that's why drugs exist, so the hopeless like us can get a
Suddenly all the noise stops, colors are brighter but they are not hurting my eyes anymore, the cafe's faint music in the background is flirting with my ears, i stand up, stare at my ghostly face in the mirror trying to fix my hair, but it doesn't matter i am flying i am over the moon, see something finally works! Even if it works temporarily, see it turns out i can take time off from the beast, maybe that's why drugs exist, so the hopeless like us can get a break every now and then? Otherwise why would god, mother nature, higher force, the universe or whatever would you like to call it, made them exist! i go back to my table, sip on my coffee enjoying the high, i decide to turn my phone on since i am high i can now be bothered with the rest of the world, i log in to the narcotics anonymous forum, i finally decide to write my first post....

I cannot write like philosophers... but what i went through n realised LOVe is nothing but a craving!! U get a little glance from someone; u CRAVE for more!! Someone approaches to LOVE u; u give everything u can.. And then when reality strikes us.... Whatever transpired between you both was a part of your fantasy..your craving to b loved!!

    This discussion will have summaries to episodes that you might have missed if you joined a little late. 

This is just a test

DAba

Hopefully this site will stay longer than figment!

Hopefully this site stays longer than figment. Sorry for all the hassle!

Blah blah black sheep

Weeee

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Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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I'm glad we found a new place with easy access for all, and to see that we all seem to be comfortable here. I think that now, since we can't save Figment, we should try to find and other friends we have on there and invite them over to here. Anyone agree?

Well it's just us. What now. We seem to be transferring our work just fine, if with a broken heart and tears along the way.

Hi everyone. Letting you all know that The third part of the four part prologue is out now for my ongoing comic script series. Hope you enjoy XD

Hi everyone. Letting you all know that The third part of the four part prologue is out now for my ongoing comic script series. Hope you enjoy XD

Hi everyone. Letting you all know that The third part of the four part prologue is out now for my ongoing comic script series. Hope you enjoy XD

Hi everyone. Letting you all know that The third part of the four part prologue is out now for my ongoing comic script series. Hope you enjoy XD

Hi everyone. Letting you all know that The third part of the four part prologue is out now for my ongoing comic script series. Hope you enjoy XD