100 % Review Forum Please take the time

I was hoping that some of you would read my short story 'The Golden Rule' and give me a brutally honest opinion. I need to know what I am doing right and what I am doing wrong. I am new to this realm so I am not sure if this is the way it is done or not. If I have commited some a major foul or broken some taboo, I am sorry. Thanks, take care and God bless...

Steve