100 % Review Forum Story Review Game Thread

This thread is intended for users to give and receive lengthy reviews on stories, chapters, and poetry of any genre.

The rules are simple:
1. Claim the author's story that's posted above you and post a link to the story you wish to get reviewed.
2.To receive a review on your story, you first must review the previous author's story.
3.Post your critique as a comment on their story, and edit your post in this thread with your review as well.
4.The story must be reviewed within 2 hours of claiming it.
5. If there are grammar mistakes, keep in mind that a list of these do not count as an appropriate review.
If a story is longer, you do not have to read the entire story. One or two chapters will suffice. If you want a specific chapter critiqued in your story, make sure to request that.

What does a good review must contain?
1. Things that you liked about the story (characters, plot, dialogue, flow, narration style, etc.)
2. Things that need improvement (grammar, typos, character development, plot development, tense shifts, etc.)
3. A good review should talk about separate things, good or bad, that are not spelling mistakes or simply "I like this" comments. These things range from plot, flow, narration, characters, grammar, and setting.

I'll start the game. The person bellow will review it and post his/her link to the story/chapter/poem of their choice.

If you have any questions, go ahead and ask.

I wish to get a review on:

I claim : Not So Alive - by Metamorfosis

I want this to be reviewed please :

and my review is :
"how did you come up with that?
nice detail! funny death plans :P -or am i the only one who finds it funny? :D-
and i love the metaphors that you used. :3

i'm not very good at grammar so i can't comment on that~
but for me, it's very nicely written."