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Patrick- patrick6604
Ashley- luvu2dth04
I was telling Muffs it needs to be completely redone. The narrator is a wimp or something numb. I'm beginning to think she's me right now, which means I need to start writing in third more often. Really, Chris, I appreciate the candor. No ARFing policy. :) T. xo
As always, your comments are spot-on, although I'm wondering why you arfed it with a four star rating. lol
No, seriously, you're right about the narrator. It started off in my head in third person, but spiraled into first, for some reason, so I went back and changed it. Dumb dumb dumb.
I think I need to rewrite the whole thing and get rid of a few parts and maybe concentrate on the picture more. Or less? *grumbles* I know what I'm trying to say, but for some reason, the MC won't let it out. She's "shy" about certain things, and I know the main thing is her lack of self-confidence and even her love for Che. I think she settled. LOL Stop looking at me like I've gone totally crackers. You know how my characters are like separate people to me.
And now I'm clinically insane. *drools in corner*
Thanks for the review and suggestions, Chris. I need to go rework the whole thing, start to finish. And I hope you noticed the name of the Spanish baby. (add a rhinestone collar) T. xoxox
Thanks for reading and commenting on "Bachon". Your suggestions are perfect, and I really appreciate them, Chris. I think I'll pull it down until I have time to work on it more. Right now, I'm getting the impression it's too difficult to understand and the ambiguity is too much. When I had it on "that other site", only about four people "got" it, so I think I really went too far. lol
Thanks for the review. That line made me cringe, too, but someone *cough* liked it, although I think it sounds better in Spanish. Then again, doesn't everything? :D And would you please upload something? I need to READ! T. xo
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