Voice Development part 3

Posted 8 Years Ago

"S’pose we must be resigned; but oh Lord! how ken I? If I know’d anything whar you’s goin’, or how they’d sarve you! Missis says she’ll try and ’deem ye, in a year or two; but Lor! nobody never comes up that goes down thar! They kills ’em! I’ve hearn ’em tell how dey works ’em up on dem ar plantations." - Harriet Beecher Stowe’s Uncle Tom’s Cabin. Tom’s Aunt Chlo

The dictation is easily clear here. Anyone who haven't read the well known novel can tell that the speaker is an older African American Southerner.

Posted 9 Years Ago

just something i wrote up

It was a warm spring morning where the light of the sun shined through the apartment window.
“Damn sun,” groaned a young man as he put his hands over his eyes to block the light from the sun.
Getting out of his bed, he quickly took some clothes from his closet. With the hangers in hand he quickly made his way to the bathroom right down the hall. Once inside side, he quickly locked the door and started washing his face and brushing his teeth. Once he was done he took off his plaid pajama pants and started putting on his clothes. He now wore a short sleeved v-neck with tan cargo pants .
“damm it jace hurry the hell up and get of out there so I can get ready,” a voice screeched behind the door as it was banged on.
“hold your horses, crabby im done already,” jace sighed as he massaged his temples before he opened the door.
“finally,” the voice whined as the girl behind the door grabbed jace and pushed him out of the bathroom.
“I really don’t need this in the morning,” jace thought to himself as he walked down the stairs.
Once at the bottom he ran over to the kitchen to see that the coffee brewer was finished brewing the coffee.
“thank you, mom,” jace sighed in happiness thanking his mom for making the delicious drink of the gods before going to work.

Posted 10 Years Ago

From my story Gems
“Mum, I will be fine. Yes, I will try not to blow things up and make real friends for the last time. No... I got everything. Yes, ‘Will is giving me advice all right’” – I rolled my eyes at that as I said – “. No, he leaves in 30 more minutes. Got to go mum, tell pap I said hi. Bye mum,’’ I sigh as I hung up.

Diction- This tells that the character has a protective mother and doesn't make a lot of friends. Also that she has sarcasms and that she isn't fond of her mother begin protective.

Posted 14 Years Ago

"he probably was apart of some sort of criminal activity" - "a part"
"17 year old" - "seventeen-year-old"
"explain it's diction and voice" - "its" (possessive form of "it", not the contraction of "it is")
Your comment about Edward is a good one. It should be noted, however, that not everyone who talks that way is a vampire. :)

Posted 14 Years Ago

From my short story Making Snow:
"Papa its not snowing!".

....."Papa, I like it when your not being mean to Mama. I like it when you play with me instead of your stupid compooter."

Diction: Gives the illusion that the child is young possibly 5-7 years old. She has the knowledge that something is wrong. Yet is oblivious to her surroundings. Her pronounciation is that of a little child.

Posted 14 Years Ago

Just wanted to say sorry for ur loss, although I am not doing the lesson.

Posted 14 Years Ago

FROM MY NOVEL JACK'S INFERNO. IT'S A DARK COMEDY ABOUT HELL.

When we hit the main deck, I look around and ask myself how I ever could've possibly imagined that we would somehow stumble across a better scene than the one we just bailed on.

The whole goddamn ship's on fire, just for starters. Oh, I know...the fly mentioned it earlier. Nobody really stressed it too much, though. Very casual, probably happens all the time.

Well f**k you. This is a big deal. This is a very big deal.

Secondly--because the towering inferno isn't enough to constitute a crisis in Hell--we seem to have sailed straight into the evil throbbing heart of a horrible maelstrom. Tidal waves, black clouds, thunder bolts, acid rain, terrible whirlpools spiraling us down into a watery grave...typical maelstrom.

Third--because apocalyptic doom just loves to make a f*****g list out of itself--there's a goddamn sea monster half the size of Texas checking out our ship like it was a cheap toy begging to be smashed.

Horsley stumbles over towards me and Karl. He stands beside us and takes an extended swig of rum as we all solemnly gaze up at the proud and unconquerable middle finger of fate. The three of us almost share a moment.

Without taking his eyes off of the storm, Horsley says, "Guess you boys can have the ship now. I'd say see you in Hell, but..."

"Yeah, I already did that joke."

"Oh. Well, uh...just as well." And with that he pulls out a revolver and blows his brains out.

Posted 14 Years Ago

Andre rifled through the fridge looking for a beer. He needed that beer like a strawberry needed crack. After what happened today I wouldn't blame him. After that s**t hit the fan it exploded all over
his day.

"Hell yeah"

Success, you could say that this beer was the only thing that went down without any complications today. Now Andre had to figure out damage control, or he would have to resign from his position on the board of directors.

Posted 14 Years Ago

“The teacher tries to spice up their learning experience by eating a banana in a slow seductive manner. The rest of the boys eye her up like a starving man eyes a leg of lamb but I remember Eve that b***h that tricked Adam and as far as I’m concerned, the only good w***e is a dead w***e."

I’m writing in the first person but we can still deduct a few things from this sample. The first, “The teacher tries to spice up their learning experience by eating a banana in a slow seductive manner.” indicates the character maybe hyper sexualized or lusts for his teacher. The second, “The rest of the boys eye her up like a starving man eyes a leg of lamb” imply this is an all boys school and the other boys are ignorant to what’s actually going on perhaps the character looks down or is jealous of his classmates. “eye her up like a starving man eyes a leg of lamb” is an older phrase and since he refers to his class mates as boys rather then men we can deduce that his parents are older or that he lives with his grandparents and is borrowing one of their phrases to describe the event. The third, “but I remember Eve that b***h that tricked Adam” implies he has a warped biblical view and that he looks down on women. Finally, “and as far as I’m concerned, the only good w***e is a dead w***e.” is a clear indication of what he thinks of his teacher and his deep-seated anger towards her.

The character is quite possibly a self-righteous schoolboy with a biblical teaching who struggles with sexual feelings. He has a deep-seated anger and disgust for his teacher.

This passage does not go into character detail so although we can give a good guess as to what the character thoughts or background are we cannot really be sure. That is one of the things that I need to work on is character development. I often describe or define the character through his ideas or surroundings. Like in this next writing.

“He bleeds like a stuffed pig on a funeral pyre. The mud puddle he lays in has become an open coffin a throw back to the days of rum soaked orgies and big city lights of destiny played to the tune of chaos, zero to sixty, life in the fast lane. Now he bleeds like a stuffed pig on a funeral pyre. They called him bluebird Gambino because Anthony liked to sing in fact he sung so much they sawed off his tongue. He has seen so many things they burned out both eyes with hot cooking oil. He liked to count money too but he came up short one to many times so they snipped off his fingers with a pair of dull hedge shears. He liked to walk away from his problems so they smashed his ankles with a sledgehammer. Now Anthony Gambino bleeds like a stuffed pig on a funeral pyre.”

“He bleeds like a stuffed pig on a funeral pyre.” Imply he is near death and has been beaten or stabbed. “The mud puddle he lays in” Imply he’s not going to die in a comforting environment and the perpetrators did not think very much of him. “has become an open coffin, a throw back to the days of rum soaked orgies and big city lights of destiny played to the tune of chaos, zero to sixty, life in the fast lane.” Indicate that he had money, sex and drugs and enjoyed life in the fast lane. “Now he bleeds like a stuffed pig on a funeral pyre.” Brings the reader back to his current predicament. “They called him bluebird Gambino because Anthony liked to sing in fact he sung so much they sawed off his tongue. He has seen so many things they burned out both eyes with hot cooking oil. He liked to count money too but he came up short one to many times so they snipped off his fingers with a pair of dull hedge shears. He liked to walk away from his problems so they smashed his ankles with a sledgehammer.” Anothony Gambino sounds like it could be a mafia name. Readers who are familiar with mafia or crime family stories will recognize the reference to “Bluebird and he liked to sing” to take it that he ratted someone out and what they did to him because he liked to talk. The rest of passage concern themselves with things at he saw, money he spent and how he dealt with issues. The last phrase, “Now Anthony Gambino bleeds like a stuffed pig on a funeral pyre.” Again bring the reader back to the present, the here and now and the end result of Anothony Gambino life of crime.