THE SECRET TOILET GARDEN

A Lesson by Bernard Tisman

secret garden in a toilet

Once upon a time a man went to toilet to relieve himself only to find that there was a hidden garden right at the back of the toilet. it was only revealed when some bricks fell out of the wall and a hole suddenly appeared. He went through this hole and entered a secret garden behind the back of the toilet.
On his journeys through this hidden garden he stumbled across a girl who was 12 foot tall and eight years old. She had snakes as hair on her head and a mouth with blue teeth.

"Who are you, shouted Zucky, the 12 foot tall girl.

"I'm Tom Dirtyface said the boy, and I came into this garden through a hole in the back of a toilet."

Zucky took the boy through the garden and came to a couple of trees who were drinking cups of tea.

All of a sudden the sun jumped down from the sky and tried to grab hold of the boy, but was fought off by Zucky, who then kicked it back up into the sky. But no sooner than it was back up in the sky the sun was again spewing out it's poison when it attacked the moon with a hammer, killing it instantly.

"The moon shouted:

"Help!
"The sun has killed me, will you please get me back to life screamed the murdered moon."

Zucky had to summon help in order to deal with the ferocius sun that had murdered the moon in cold blood with a giant 200 foot long hammer, so she brought her father, Ted Boghouse, along. He got hold of a broom with teeth and tossed it up into the air. The broom rammed itself into the sun and killed it but it came back to life again and went absolutely mad for it bit the sky.
The sky was so badly bitten that it died, plunging the world into darkness eventhough the sun was shining.
The universe wanted revenge so it sent the planet Mars to kill the sun. It did and the reign of terror was over.
The universe thanked the planet Mars for helping to get rid of the killer sun. Not only that it also thanked Tom Boghouse for trying to kill the mad sun, but despite all his efforts he failed to kill it properly and it came back to life.

The planet Earth needed a new sky to replace the one that got bitten dead by a mad sun and also a new sun to replace the sun that got executed by the planet Mars for murdering the sky by biting it. T

The Universe set up a factory in Outer Space and manufactured a new sky. The sky was brought along to Earth and bolted in place, but had to be guarded by dragons in case some murderous star or sun attacked it.

Once the sky had been built the Universe manufactured a new sun, made from bird cheese.

Now it's back to The Secret Toilet Garden.

The secret garden at the back of a toilet stretched for 2,000 miles and had trees that grew people.
Zucky had a twin sister called Yalloolie who had 45 heads and six legs. She was 12 years old and two miles tall.

Yalloolie had an IQ of 2,000 and attended a grammar school on top of a tree. She did well in maths, Dinglish, Spobariz and Homboutot and other languages.

Her teacher's name was Brockopovatrompa.

Very shortly the boy went back into toilet and closed up the wall. Once done he went straight out into the garden and flew up a tree to rescue a cat with a dog's head that got stranded when a strong wind blew her up in the air and she got stuck up a tree, which was a sugar tree.
The cat came down and started to chase a banana. The banana got so frightened that it shinned up a tree and tried to hide but the cat flew up into the air and ate the screaming banana.

Very shortly Tom Dirtyface went into his home, Busybody Manor and had tea with his carer, Zadida Brona. With the tea he had hairy biscuits and bread, plus cold dogs.
On night Tom woke to find a grandfather clock jumping on top of him whilst he was in bed.
Tom let out a yell and this alerted the night maid. She came in and fought the grandfather clock off with a broom, but it hit back and tried to kick the maid, but was stopped by an apple that jumped out of the fruit bowl downstairs when it heard the maid's screams. It then flew up the stairs and gave the clock what for by bashing it in the chops until it saw stars.

The grandfather clock had escaped from a prison where it was being held for murder after it had chucked a tree at it's owner. The tree then pulled off the man's head and cooked it until it was as fresh as a cricket bat that did a pee.
This wasn't the only thing, for once the mad grandfather clock went berserk in the garden and kicked flowers until they bled.

Blood pouring out of flowers is no joke for the grandfather clock could have killed the flowers.
On one occasion the grandfather clock murdered a man as he tried to wind it as was usual every 24 hours. The clock then broke up the man and chucked all his organs all over the place, but, just as he did they came to life and attacked the grandfather clock.
The heart, lungs and kidney went mad and bit the grandfather clock all over, so much that blood poured out of the clock. This alerted the maid Marina Duckhead. She immediately phoned the police. The police came and arrested the grandfather clock that had escaped from a prison where it was being held for murder. The clock was then returned to prison and locked inside a cage so it shouldn't escape.

The broken up man was taken to hospital and put back together again with his body organs re - assembled until they were back inside his body. He was then brought back to life again after he had been murdered by a mad grandfather clock and dismembered.

The bleeding flowers in the garden at Busybody Manor got taken to hospital and had to have an operation after they had been attacked by a grandfather clock that went mad. But unfortunately the flowers died. This resulted in the grandfather clock being charged for murder - one murder on top of another - first, one of the men, second, the flowers.
Busybody Manor was an enormous mansion which had 3400 bedrooms and stretched for miles and miles.The owner was a quadrillionaire, the richest man in the Universe. he even owned all the planets and a lot of moons, some of them made of cheese.
One moon, Boyay was the Earth's most distant cousin and one of the sons of our own moon where Apollo Toilet 111 made a special landing in 1969 with Neil Leggings and Buzz Off, two astronauts who were educated at Padlock University.