|
As
I opened my eyes for the first time in my undeath, I felt the
stirrings of hunger. I suppose I should use a different word, for it
wasn't..
|
|
It was one of those moments you
take a step back from your life and ask: how
the hell did I get here?
I was standing in an aisle of my local gro..
|
|
In
the end, I guess I got drunk enough to listen to the now-worldly
gnome in my basement. I decided against the yellow pages because,
let's be re..
|
|
It was stormy that night, a
particularly bad combination with my line of work. Sleeping was the
only way I could stay in business, and the rain t..
|
|
Guinness was asleep when I
entered the basement, snoring loudly on his bed of lichen. He had a
Breathe-Right strip across his bulbous nose; he ma..
|
|
Guiness was already there when I
arrived. He tapped a dirty toe in obvious irritation at my tardiness.
“What?” I asked sheepis..
|
|
I awoke ravenous. This happened
every time; a serious case of the munchies without the fun of the
hasheesh. I kept a few bags of potato chips and..
|
|
“So can I go?,” Guinness
asked hopefully. He was clipping his toe nails with a clipper, and I
watched in disgust as the nails bounce..
|
|
“See
if I take you anywhere anymore,” I yelled at Guinness when we made
it back to my apartment.
Guinness
was silent, his stubb..
|
|
I
awoke early the next morning to a knock at my door. And by early, I
mean noon.
“Just
a minute,” I yelled from inside, rushing..
|
first
prev
1
|
|