Wyrmspawn

I'm not a very good writer and I know it. I'm here because I hope that I could receive some pointers on how to improve. I'd really appreciate it if some of the reviewers would take the time to just criticize as much of my work as possible, so that I can at least know what went wrong - why doesn't it read right, why don't the words feel right at all? Please don't just give a random feel-good review - those are the worst, because you won't even bother to read what was written.