Mr. Deft Diction

“HI, BABY! HOW ARE YOU?” KAYLEE RAN FULL SPEED INTO A CROUCHED AUNT TABITHA, KICKING A LITTLE WIND OUT OF HER AMPLE FRAME. AUNT TABITHA IS MATTHEW’S STEP-SISTER, AFTER THEIR PARENTS—HIS FATHER AND HER MOTHER, MARRIED EACH OTHER AFTER A 15-YEAR AFFAIR. THE RELATIONSHIP DIDN’T SEEM TO MESS UP THE FLOW OF EITHER FAMILY, AS MATTHEW’S MOTHER WAS SLEEPING WITH TABITHA’S FATHER. SO EVERY NOW AND THEN WHEN MATTHEW SAW TABITHA, HE WONDERED WHY THEY JUST DIDN’T ADD TO THE DYSFUNCTION AND SHARE A FEW TOSSES IN THE SACK. MATTHEW HOOKED HER UP WITH DARRIEN A FEW YEARS AGO, AND IT WAS MATTHEW WHO PAID THE KIND OF PRICE LAUNCHPAD MCDUCK NEVER SEEMED TO PAY. TABITHA WOULD COME BY AND GRAB TWANNA, AND GO CLUBBING ALMOST EVERY DAY AFTER DARRIEN DECIDED HE COULDN’T BE WITH A WOMAN WHO “COULDN’T UNDERSTAND HIS GODLY RESPONSIBILITY TO SHARE HIS LOIN”. - "Panty Raiders", coming Summer 2010