Sanctuary Dementia

Misery is one of my nicknames, it at one point all that I was for both myself, as well as for those around me. I was vile, I was cruel, and I do stil retain the ability to be as such, but Ive learned that there are other aspects of myself, that those things aren’t all that I am. However, Misery is still a close nickname because it reminds me of where I came from, reminds me that I can be who I want. At times I can be the personification of that name, but everything has its dual opposite and it also reminds me that I am that other person as well.


Ive been working on dropping all of my masks, its not perfected yet, it may never be, but Ive been working on breaking down the walls and showing who I truly am show through to others, my writing has changed, and I am now working on telling my story so that others may benefit from it. Even the darkness has its light, those times have made me who I am and although they were horrible experiences without them I wouldn’t be who I am today. I wouldn’t want to trade myself for anything even despite the pain.

Im not who I am expected to be, Im living my life to the best of my ability. Ive been through hell and I have survived, every day is a new day for a new breath to be made, a new mark to be placed upon the world. I may not be the greatest person when it comes to interacting with others in regular day to day life, but its not that I don’t or wont try. I like quiet, silence is important to me, maybe not within my poetry anymore, but that soft gentle quiet at night when its just the simple sounds, and not the voices of people who bear so much weight to ones life and give nothing back. Im meant to be here for everyone, Im here to at least try and help, but I expect that if I do come to you in return, which is rare, you better realize that you cannot just take from me; Im tired of giving and having people walk out of my life. If you want to be here, then be here. Be real and true to yourself, whoever that person may be.

“We stopped looking for the monsters under the beds when we realized they were inside of us.” -Me

Im a woman who has gone through things that I have often kept in the dark and not spoken of, I keep to myself a lot, but there are a few people I hold in high esteem, one of those people is Courtney Moise, shes been there by me through a lot, Ive seen her struggles and Ive found her to be one of the most wondrous people as shes a soul survivor. Another is Alan Coleman, he’s a friend who works to find the humor in life, he has amazing dreams for life and reaches into the stars, hes a magenta sunrise who blooms despite the past. My boyfriend is a constant source of calmness and true delight in my life, he helps keep me centered, hes gone through more than his share of hell as well, and often times denies the fact that he’s an absolutely amazing person who has his plans and goes for what he wants, and he always is someone who will defeat the demons that lay both in the past as well as in the future. I love him, I truly do. These three are the primary people within my life who have shown me that amazing things are possible and that dreams can come true and be obtained. The world isn’t set in stone and one can speak out and live the life they want, I love and thank these three masterpieces of individuality.

“You said it ALL when you released a rage. It's so neatly composed with emotions in every which direction. What you're feeling is probably a mixture of anger, distrust, and just...numbness with a pleasure of escape because you broke the wall down that before prevented you from even being able to write this so free. I don't like saying I profit off your troubles, but this poem is absolutely helpful not just to me but probably many others and by you having found the courage to post this from your real experience you possibly have just saved another life in the process of your own, and that is why I consider you to be a savior. Thank you for your tears, because even though it's cost you a great price to expose the truth, your coping method has fled you to safety of mind.” –Courtney Moise

“a merry go round of agony of human behaviour flaking like paint off dead wooden horses once symbols of laughter and joy~ your metaphors~ your poetic story is absolutely overwhelming in a fabulous ~ mind shaking way~ your imagery is pure color and depths~ I'm still reeling from the prophetic flavors . . . .” –a review from my poem voltage negligence



There is darkness within each and every single one of us, even if you deny it, there is a core of it within you that lashes out in ways that hurt you and those around you. It can vary from anger at the world, to issues such as depression. For myself, I have to fight my inner demons, depression, anorexia, and anxiety are th major ones that are most often manifested for myself. They aren’t the only ones, but they are the most common. I fight them so that they wont control my life, so that I can live the way I want to live. Im not always successful, but I hope that my struggle can inspire others to have the strength to fight their own battles. You are not alone in this war, reach out, the people around you feel pain too and are seeking a way to fight it, don’t allow yourself to be destroyed from with. You are beautiful.

“The sad truth? You'll always see what you want to see, the surface things that you expect. But you'll never look deeper and realize the girl whose so busy smiling is the one wiping away tears, and you'll never know that it wasn’t an eyelash in her eye as she laughs it off.”-Me

"Theres a difference between wanting to kill yourself, and not wanting to be alive, its two different mental states, they can become the other that is true, but unless youve ever felt that way then dont you dare say that someone shouldnt feel this way, because people who truly feel like this have no control over why, they can only try to change the future." -Me



Like I said Im a mixture of things, Ive been called insane, possibly thats true, but heres the funny thing, Im extensively loyal and true to those I care for, I love like I breath, with every breath it still survives.

All in all though, you have to get to know me.. to well, know me, take the plunge, you never know, it could lead to a beautiful moonlight sunrise.

As for any of you out there who like my work so much you feel the need to steal it, I highly suggest you just stay away from that, because darling I WILL find out and I wont rest until Im satisfied the situation has been rectified.