Dripping Ink

A little something that I had to write for my British literature class. We were dealing with postmodernism...

Instructions for reading: You may read it in the order it is in now. The paragraphs, though connected to each other, are not in the final order. The first and the last paragraph are in their right places, but in between you may change the reading order however you like it. The result will not change.

I
The quill is lying on the table. I reach out my hand and push it right for a millimetre. Still not correct. I push it back left. I wanted to write about something??? Now the quill’s way too far left. I push it back right again, trying to think at the same time what I was thinking about a second ago. What was I thinking about a second ago? A sudden shout from the outside makes me jump with fear. The quill jumps across the table, splattering the carefully selected and placed paper with ink.

Mother called out to me, asking if I was hungry. No, I answered her and went on playing with my dolls. Hello, Barbie. Hello, Trisha. Want to go shopping? Sure, why not. Mother knocked on the door and came in. I tried to hide my dolls. I don’t like anyone seeing me playing with them. Especially my mother. What you doing, honey? “Nothing.” Okay… She went away. I really love this dress. OMG, I love it too so much. Let us both buy it. Yes, let’s do that.

I’m taking out the paper from my neatly organised shelf. A perfect paper, I’d say. No spots on it, no flaws. A perfect paper. I’m going to write something. But what? I lay the paper on me desk and take the quill out. It is an old-fashioned way to write something, but I do not trust the modern technology. Anything might happen to it. You can’t touch the words on the …* shuddering * screen. But on the paper you feel everything; you know that this is your creation. It’s not going anywhere. It doesn’t “reboot” or anything on its own. I lay the quill beside the paper, exactly 20 mm away from it.

I finally opened the door. It was a beautiful day outside " the sun was shining, no clouds in the sky. I could hear people in the distance shouting merrily to each other. My house was standing some way away from the bustle of the modern streets " the cars, everything technological. I was almost scared to put my foot over the doorstep. What if something happens? What if the earth starts to shake? What if the volcanoes go off any moment now? What if? What if? ... Take a grip on yourself, you. Listen. The children are happily playing. No one’s crying. Nothing bad’s happening. Just take a step and smell the fresh air. You’ve been sitting in that old dusty shack for way too long. No! I’m not imagining things! Do you know what the newspapers are writing about these days? Only murders and accidents and… and… and… all such bad things… Don’t be such a sissy. The newspapers also talk about marriages and births and shopping and many other good things. Just raise your foot, move it forward and lay it on the grass. Nothing’s going to happen. But.. but… I slowly moved my foot, caerfully chose a spot to lay it on and…

Where’s the towel? I run around the room, panicking. HAHA. You see? This wouldn’t have happened if you would have been writing with a compu… Shut up! SHUT UP! This is none of your business. I thought you were gone for good. How did you… Oh, don’t think you’ll be getting rid of me so easily. You know who I am. You can’t deny it and you can’t just delete me. Stay away from me. Please. I don’t need you. I hate you. I really hate you!!! I sit down, sobbing. No. Think again. You don’t hate me. You know I can help you. I see all your deepest, darkest thoughts. You say you never want to step outside again. Well, I say you are wrong. Take a look inside you heart and then tell me what you really want. No. I won’t. I won’t let you take me over again, like you did all those years ago. I feel so free now. Leave me alone. Go away. No. Not until you tell me I am right. Go away! No. GO AWAY! NO!!!

This scene we observe here is a very good example of a soul in two pieces. “Who are you? What are you doing in my house? How did you get in here?” Relax. Always the questioning one. And the self-preservant one. My dear readers, you see now, what may happen, if people try to ignore the fact that their soul is in two, or more, parts. When they push one down and only try to exist with one side, they become freaks. ”_ Who are you calling a freak here? What do you want? Go away!_” He won’t go away and you know it until you agree with me being right. No, please, not you too, please leave me alone! They cannot make adequate decisions anymore, because they have pushed down the side that would have opposed the other one during the decision-making. Now they only use the one side… “Shut up! Go away! Get out of here!” Get out of my head! He won’t go. You know it as well as I do. I’ll… I’ll make her go. You wish. ...to decide and the decision will not be…

Did that boy just push me? Did he really do that? Oh, I’m gonna show him. You don’t mess with me. Not so easily. Leave him alone. He didn’t mean it. What do YOU want? I think I already made it clear to you once that I don’t need you here. I can manage perfectly on my own. In fact, you couldn’t live without me and since I’m stronger, I really don’t even need you here. Oh, but I think you do. You may be stronger, but strength is not always the best quality one can have. Mercy, helpfulness, caring " those you seem to lack entirely. Not to mention the self-preservance part. Always in fights, always telling people off. That’s not how one should be living. You think you can scare me with your moral lecture? Think again, because… What are you doing? Where are you taking me? No! Stop right now! I have to kick that boy’s a*s! STOP IT! No, I won’t. I’m going to lock you up so deep that you’ll never get out again. Never, you hear me? NEVER! Wha… What’s happening? Wher… What are you doing? Release me, right now! NOW! Or you’ll feel my wrath! No… no…, not in there " NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

VIII
Suddenly all is very quiet. No sounds whatsoever. Not even from the outside. I look around. I’m still sitting on the chair. The ink’s dripping slowly to the ground, making a dark puddle on the floor. I go find a towel, mop up the ink, take a new paper and suddenly I know what I’m going to write. It’s all so clear now. I told you. Yes, you did. Thank you. You’re welcome.

Author's Note

ignore the excessive punctuation ;)

Reviews

[PyroKitty24]

How deep. The deep-ness, of course, made it a bit confusing. But it was confusing in a good way, you know? There were a few mistakes, just typos, nothing big. It was written nicely and an enjoyable read, it made me think~