Before

Recently in my weight loss journey I decided to take before pictures, wrote this how I felt leading up to and after the posting of them.

What do I do now? Should I share my secret?

Can I really trust them to keep it?

If I let my guard down, and let them inside,

Tell them things I normally try and hide.

Will they see me different now?

I want to ask, but I don’t know how.

Multiple scenarios play out in my mind,

I just want answers, but they are hard to find.

I look and I look but they just escape me,

Should I listen to my friend and just let it be?

I know I probably should try and ignore it,

It’s out there now, maybe I should go explore it.

I shouldn’t let fear control my feelings,

Sharing this, has kind of helped me with healing.

Not visible wounds, but emotional,

I swear it really takes a toll.

 

I mean should I be really surprised by this?

I took the pictures; it’s not like they don’t exist.

“You took them for a reason!” I tell myself,

This is a brave step to a better self.

The idea was to motivate me,

Let people see the real me.

Not hidden behind jokes or fabric layers,

Get it out there, ahead of the naysayers.

Every year people have resolutions,

This time I am trying for a personal revolution.

Which is what lead me to taking pictures of my “before”,

I was nervous, freaked out, I had never shared this before.

 

Usually when I saw “before” pictures online,

They are often followed by the “after”, to them that’s fine.

For me I chose a different route,

I wanted to show them what I was depressed about.

What made me feel like I deserved to be unwanted,

What hung over my head and left me haunted.

I didn’t want it to linger any longer,

It was a serious step to make me feel stronger.

I needed that push, that thing to drive me,

Motivation was lacking I think everyone could see.

So uploading and posting the pics of me,

Was the biggest first step in fixing the overweight me.

When I thought I should be ashamed, for posting them,

Friends and family, came to me with support, wait come again?

I really didn’t think anyone cared, It’s just some pictures of fat me,

The outpouring that came from all over, really overwhelmed me.

I thought I was alone in this fight for a better me,

Message after message, it really wasn’t just me.

I didn’t consider what I did to be brave, or courageous,

People cared about me, it seemed to be contagious.

Every time my phone would beep,

Was another person showing love, I admit it hit me deep.

I smiled while looking at me, for the first time in a while,

It’s hard to explain why it meant so much to smile.

Being so down on who I am, it was a refreshing change of pace,

The next day people could see a difference in my face.

No longer the downtrodden, self-loathing, Depressing sad sack,

The smile was brought back and started me on the right track.

I never would have felt this without taking the pictures of me,

The next time I take pictures, it will be a better me…

Author's Note

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