Downfall Into Euphoria

Fragments of a shattered heart

litter the brink of edgy moment snow,

stolen from my empty chest,

robbed of apathy and eternal low,

snatched emptiness, who knew I'd miss her so?

Resting beside majestic heights, peering, admiring:

man-made structures of honor derived from imagination,

a heavenly wonderland built not of elation,

but a solitude,

blended with desiring.

Nonexistence, oh, how you were so crude.

Shoved back by her: an inch from the downfall into euphoria,

pleaded not to plummet into

the depths of the aether meadow's door,

while I crawl forward a mere centimeter:

only to reminisce,

and caress her hand once more.

Author's Note

Photo courtesy of ukeness of Deviant Art.

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

the effectiveness in the beginning...
takes us as a reader within this verse...
also the play with your rhyme...
builds the structure of this write...
and the ending...as you put forth the words...
inch and then centimeter...
as if your getting closer ---
yet not until the bitter ending...
I was wondering in the last stanza...
if dropping the line down...
after the colon...
would give the read a bit more of a pause...
etching the last finale more...

[Tai Ryens]

Hmn . . . I'll see to revising that later, perhaps. Thank you, Glen, your review was very lovely.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

You're welcome...

[Caradoc]

Breath taking. You are truly a master of poetic expression. That first stanza kicks off and you just know you're in for a ride. Then the next one and it builds even higher. I fell in love with that stanza. The way you describe "honor", in a nod to chivalry and those old ideals, as built of desire and solitude; that's got to be one of the best references to the concept of "courtly love" I've ever seen.

I am just amazed by this one, Tai. Wow...

-Cara

[Tai Ryens]

Always grateful to see your thoughts, Cara, as I do so look up to you. I'm truly flattered, I thank you kindly.

[Caradoc]

You are always welcome.

[Bluefire]

It made me think of a couple striving for happiness and the protagonist tells that he/she keeps it from happening by either mistake or out of fear? Eventually they become happy again in time, like a bout of sickness ran it's course.
Well done, I like the wordplay and imagery in this poem. ^^

[Tai Ryens]

Don't forget that the calm comes right before the edge, aha. Would've leapt down for her, though. Thanks muchly, Blue.

[Bluefire]

You're welcome. ^^

[SHEEMA HUQ]

I love the scene of admiring the great architecture surrounding you, the centimeter crawl... em, I was deliberating on whether this was humanly possible, I so enjoy your writing

[Tai Ryens]

True poetry is not humanely possible, only imaginable. Thank you for your thoughts.

[SHEEMA HUQ]

I like you answer

[Caradoc]

Just saw this. The first part of your response to SHEEMA should be one of those verses that is often quoted by aspiring poets. Seriously, my friend, it is epic and profound.

[Tai Ryens]

Ah, I'm flattered by your statements, really. I hardly think myself that effective, but it brings a tiny smile to know others do think so. Thank you.

[Caradoc]

Not at all. It was a pleasure merely to read that.

[Extant]

I can see this frozen hell inside of your chest. . .
What we do to hold onto things we know . . . things we love.
This piece masterfully shows the struggle between [man-known/man-unknown/love-happiness/pain-sadness]. At least, that's how I see it. Nonetheless, this is great and so full of succulent images.

[Tai Ryens]

Indeed, that is what inspired it in the first place. THank you

[Baby Ricochet]

Oddly Romantic but then again much of your work is. That's one of the distinctions that makes you a stand out on the WC.

[Tai Ryens]

Why, I'm flattered. I thank you kindly!

[Frieda P]

Hauntingly mesmerizing write. It kind of settles in your bones like a poignant memory you can't let go of, you don't want to release. For me, this conjures up memories of my lost sister. Compelling read.

[Tai Ryens]

You have my condolences. Thank you.

[Frieda P]

My pleasure, and thank you. Sorry I didn't mean to bring your poem down, just where my head goes, it's quite lovely.

[Pax]

whenever i come and read your verses my friend... i see a girl... a longing...a memory who had passed somehow... that's what i see in this write... a heartbreak.... or lost of a loveone... greatly expressive and poignant....

[Tai Ryens]

Thank you. Though it's no memory nor girl, I can assure you that.

[Pax]

oh i see...pardon my thoughts my friend... and your most welcome...