Why I Write

the Why I Write challenge--Almost Dead Poets Society

 

 

because i’ve had my heart broken

i’ve broken hearts

i’ve broken down

 

i write to keep it all together

mend those chards

and carry on

like the piece of abstract art that i am

 

i write because i’ve been challenged

by significant health concerns

since i was 19

 

my post traumatic stress

has post traumatic stress!

 

but...

i still get told by some people

that i am the happiest

most unique

most amazing person

they have ever met

 

but...

when i’m havin’ a moment

and i do mean moment

where i crumble, i cry

i say something out of character

for my happier than tho personality

people can’t seem to accept

 

my flaws

 

though i constantly say

I’m not perfect!

I’m not perfect!

 

i’m flawed.

 

i laugh when i alert my audience

My issues have issues!

 

everyone seems to want me to be

a Hallmark greeting card

and...

i’m so not

 

i write to express

what i can’t get anyone to listen to otherwise

 

that i’m wounded

 

that i struggle"daily

with physical ailments

family turmoil

lack of love

financial distress

dispair

 

i’m like a Vietnam veteran

nobody knows the trouble i’ve seen

 

i write because i’m like no other

 

i write because i’m like a monkey

that needs to be held...

needs a warm body to cling to

but, i lack that

and it’s practically unbearable at times

 

i write because i want to Live

i want to shape the world

i want the people of now

and the people of the future

to have someone to identify with

someone to offer them Hope

 

someone to whisper

I survived, you can too.

 

i write because i have so many words floating around in my mind

attached to so many emotions

and i don’t have a human to speak the majority of them to

 

i write because i have an attraction to words

comics. magazines. books. letters.

 

i write because me, pen and paper have been long time friends

i remember fondly my first, tiny, lime green diary

and journals that followed where i wrote in code

 

i write because i’m in love

i’m in love with writers like Anais Nin

Colette

Marguerite Duras

Bukowski

Neruda

and more...

 

i write because i’m in love with nature

 

i write because i’m a medical mistake

and a medical miracle

constantly aware of my own mortality

and the birds, squirrels and animals are my signs

that Life is Beautiful

 

i write because my father abused me

my brother bruised me

my sister is oblivious

 

and i miss my mother more than i can articulate

 

i write because i’m grateful

because i think it makes a difference when i do

a few kind words, a compliment

because i believe a note of compassion can affect someone

and prevent me from feeling like an utter waste of space

 

i write for myself and others

 

like what the flight attendants tell us to do

with the oxygen mask that drops in the airplane

i’m taking care of me first

then...

 

 

i care for all of you