The Texas Chainsaw Robbery*

A wily thief seeks to steal gold from a Dallas bank during an anticipated NFL game in 2020 in a time when the iconic city is plagued by fears of a maniac.

I'm a big fan of horror-comics, so I decided to return from semi-retirement for this heist tale about a Dallas robbery of secret gold and an incidental engagement by the master-thief with the dark horror-film American psycho Leatherface and this ditty was inspired by the very offbeat film 

Lone Star

. Thanks so much for reading (and enjoy!), 

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Dallas, a beautiful US city, was the host to the symbolic Cowboys-Eagles NFL game and the site of a momentous bank robbery committed by a clever and wily but ultimately unfortunate master-thief named Isaac Satan. Dallas had seen many kinds of drama over the decades, but this one would be rather...dioramic.

ISAAC: "This'll be a terrific bank robbery, and I've planned to lift secretly-hidden gold with a nifty acid-gun!"

THE BANK: It would be this bank in Dallas where Isaac Satan would perform his heist of gold from the secret vault.

ISAAC: "The inside of the bank is very beautiful, and you have to respect such a building to perform this key heist!"

This is what Isaac looked like during his gold heist of the Dallas bank, masked and geared in the winter for Coronavirus protection. Isaac requested to open a new account for a Saudi prince looking to store gold in the vault room from his oil money from the Middle East. Isaac told the bank executive that he'd like a tour of the 'secret' gold vault room. The bank executive noticed Isaac never removed his Coronavirus protective head-gear and face-covering, insisting they were spiritual coverings.

Isaac showed his little toy water-gun to the bank executive, saying he was going to open a toy factory in Dallas on behalf of the Saudi prince he was investing the gold for in the secret vault room. The bank executive looked at the gun and complimented Isaac on its nifty design. He then escorted Isaac into the secret gold vault room with it.

When Isaac got to the vault-room, he flipped open the gun and indicated to the escorting guardsman and the bank executive that the toy-gun he wielded was filled with corrosive HCL acid. He then instructed the two to help him put gold bars into his fold out duffel-bag hidden in his personal briefcase. Isaac took $10 million worth of gold bars from the vault-room and had the guard stay in the vault while he and the bank executive walked to the bank bathroom on the 1st floor from which Isaac crawled out the bathroom window and onto his escape rental car!

Isaac drove to the subway station and took a ride to Austin from where he deposited his gold-transferred assets to a newly-opened private Swiss bank account in Europe. He then rode to the Dallas airport, intending to fly to the Virgin Islands. However, he had one more stop to do.

Meanwhile, two Dallas cops were tracking a pedestrian psychopath named Leatherface who was rumored to be hiding on some ranch real estate area right outside Dallas. This psycho wielded a chainsaw and wore a mask made out of human skin and murdered 10 policemen in Texas, decapitating them. The two Dallas cops, Sheila Austin and Tom Ryder, believed they were close to catching Leatherface, a real psycho.

TOM RYDER: "We'll catch Leatherface...and restore sanity to Dallas once more."

Isaac Satan had to drive to a ranch property right outside Dallas to drop off some money to a man who was the liaison to the Saudi prince he used as an ID cover for his fake account during his gold heist of the bank. On his way to the property, Isaac ran out of gas and had to stop to ask for a tow truch. The ranch was rather impressive, however, this was the place where Leatherface lived.

ISAAC: Why the hell are you in a skin-mask and holding a chainsaw, man?
LEATHERFACE: Call me Leatherface, idiot.

ISAAC: What the hell do you want, man?
LEATHERFACE: Your head, you idiot.

ISAAC: I can outrun you, psychopath.

LEATHERFACE: I can chase you, man.

Isaac miraculously managed to flee the ranch estate where Leatherface lived and called a Dallas cop to inform them of the psycho's whereabouts. The two cops tracking Leatherface raced to the area. Meanwhile, Isaac dropped off his money to the ranch liaison nearby before high-tailing it to the Virgin Islands. The Dallas cops were now left to incarcerate the madman Leatherface.

At that time, Dallas residents were still simply just excited about the upcoming Cowboys-Eagles game and were preparing to cheer on their favorite NFL team. They had no idea all this dioramic drama was going on in their beloved city during all this Coronavirus tribulation and insanity!

ISAAC: "I'll remember Dallas for all the romance and beauty and not for the dismaying crime...and demons!"

OFFICER RYDER: Why'd you do it, Leatherface?
LEATHERFACE: I'm a dark-man, cop.

OFFICER RYDER: Right.

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"Money is everything" (Ecclesiastes)

Reviews

[Kari Rakitan]

Welcome back!

I lived near Dallas for a while, but I've always been Californian to my core.

It looks like the acid gun is now Isaac's trademark. I'd think the authorities would catch on and start tracking acid purchases.